The Two-Minute Braves

Braves Radio Net reporter Kevin McAlpin tweeted this Friday night:

Former #Braves legend Mike Aviles leads off the 7th for the Fish and is hit by a pitch.

— Kevin McAlpin (@KevinMcAlpin) May 13, 2017

I followed with a tweet of my own:

@KevinMcAlpin Who had a better run as a Brave - Carlos Quentin or Aviles?

— Tommy Poe (@WalkOffWalk1) May 13, 2017

But I was only beginning a cascade of responses

@WalkOffWalk1 @KevinMcAlpin Ryan Howard

— Outliers (@b_outliers) May 13, 2017

@b_outliers @WalkOffWalk1 @KevinMcAlpin Bronson Arroyo.

— Statline Scout (@tpierce625) May 13, 2017

@b_outliers @WalkOffWalk1 Bronson Arroyo

— Kevin McAlpin (@KevinMcAlpin) May 13, 2017

@KevinMcAlpin @b_outliers @WalkOffWalk1 Brian Matusz

— Dayton from Nebraska (@BravesAmerica) May 13, 2017

It got me thinking - what would a team of "Two-Minute Braves" look like. The name simply refers to players who were with the organization for all of what seemed like two minutes. And because I clearly have nothing better to do, here I go down this rabbit hole.

Let's set some groundrules. To be eligible, the player must have been the property of the Braves, but never played for them. We'll make an exception for a short, un-noteworthy stint in the minors, but that's it. So with that out of the way, here are the Two-Minute Braves.

Catcher

Though his major league career includes just eight seasons, Dave Nilsson is one of the better success stories in baseball. The Brewers signed him out of Australia back in 1987 and five years later, he was in the majors. Always a good player with nice power, he developed over his final four years to bat .297/.375/.488 while becoming the first Australian to play in the All-Star Game in 1999. But his time in the majors was done. With the Summer Olympics coming to Sydney in 2000, Nilsson wanted to play for his country and no team was willing to give him time off during the summer to do so. He did attempt a comeback in 2004, signing with the Braves and playing 16 games with Richmond, but only had two extra-base hits before retiring from the American game for good. He did continue to play in Australia, though, and helped the Aussies win a Silver Medal in the '04 Olympics.

First Base
The latest addition to this team is Ryan Howard, who @Outliers above nominated. There's not much more to say about The Big Piece of Mediocrity at this point. The former MVP, Rookie of the Year, and Silver Slugger had a tremendous peak but hit .226/.292/.427 over the final five years.

Second Base

Buffa Lutheran (CC-BY-SA 2..0) via Wikipedia Commons

It looked like - and basically was - the end of the line for Wally Backman. A regular fixture of the Mets during the 80's, Backman had moved from the Twins-to-Pittsburgh-to-Philly over the previous four seasons heading into 1993 when the Braves inked him in late-January. He spent the spring with the Braves, but with Mark Lemke, Rafael Belliard, Jeff Blauser, and Bill Pecota in the mix, Backman found playing time sparse and was cut before the season. He signed with the Mariners next and played his final ten games of his career out west. As brief as his time was with the Braves and Mariners, he later had an even shorter run with the Diamondbacks - this time as their manager. Four days after being announced as their top guy after the '04 season was concluded, he was sacked for a string of legal worries, including domestic violence and drunk driving.

Shortstop
Sometimes, you just need a contract to facilitate a deal. Over the last couple of seasons, the Braves have used their financial flexibility to help deals happen and Mike Aviles is a prime example of the Braves doing so. He was picked up last August with Kade Scivicque in the Erick Aybar trade. It was all about the money as five days later, he was officially released. This weekend, he was promoted back to the bigs and in a twist of fate, his first games of 2017 came against his old buddies - the Braves.

Third Base
You take a chance on power and in Mat Gamel, the Braves were hoping for the best. Gamel was one of baseball's top prospects back in 2009. Baseball America named him the #34th best prospect in baseball. He would go on to bash eleven homers over 75 games in Triple-A while adding five more in the majors with a .242/.338/.422. But due to injuries, a hole in his swing, and more injuries, the stout left-handed hitter would not be able to establish himself in the bigs and played just 43 games in the majors over the next three seasons. The Cubs grabbed him after 2013, but he became a free agent shortly after and the Braves came calling. A few days into camp, though, the Braves released Gamel. He made a comeback bid in 2015 first with the Yankees and then with two Atlantic League stops, but failed to impress.

The Outfield

Keith Allison (CC BY SA2.0) via Flickr

I mentioned Carlos Quentin in my tweet so unsurprisingly, he makes my outfield. Quentin had a solid, though injury-shortened, six-year run between 2008 and 2013 in which he slashed .260/.356/.503. Things hit bottom in 2014 and with a season left on his contract, the Padres were anxious to cut bait. Meanwhile, the Braves were trying to get rid of their own salary issues with a closer making too much moolah on a rebuilding team (Craig Kimbrel) and an outfielder who forgot how to hit (Melvin Upton Jr.). The reason for Quentin's inclusion in the deal had everything to do with cash - in that, his contract was just as good as cash. When teams swap significant amounts of cash in deals, the baseball commissioner has to agree to the exchange. Rather than have a hold-up hours before the 2015 opener, the Braves took on Quentin's contract in lieu of sending $8M the Padres way to dump him themselves. A little more than a week later, the Braves cut Quentin. He's since spent a little time in the Mariners' minor league system and tried (and failed) to make the Twins and Red Sox rosters the last two springs.

Gary Matthews Jr. clearly had talent when the Braves picked him up off waivers following the '03 season. Sure, he was a lifetime .242/.324/.371 hitter at the time who had already bounced around five different organizations, but Matthews had flashed some potential with 14 homers in '01 and a .354 OBP and 15 steals the following year. He just needed somewhere to stick around. That was not the 2004 Braves. Atlanta opened the year with Chipper Jones in left, Andruw Jones in center, and J.D. Drew in right. Eli Marrero and DeWayne Wise helped to provide depth. By that point, Matthews had already been released. Chipper would last just two weeks before his first trip to the DL. Another trip to the trainers for Chipper, and Mark DeRosa's struggles at third, would open up left field, but since Matthews had already moved on, it was Chuck Thomas who took advantage. Meanwhile, Matthews landed in Texas and would excel over a three-year stint in Arlington. But Thomas helped the Braves get Tim Hudson so...winning.

My final outfielder for this group is Zoilo Almonte. One of the first signings of the Holy John Trinity regime, the belief was that Almonte would pair with Jonny Gomes to make a fine platoon. At least, I thought so. Instead, he looked awful in spring training and despite being gifted a major league deal, Almonte couldn't beat out non-roster invitees like Eric Young Jr. and Kelly Johnson. Rather than accept a minor league demotion, the outfielder wanted to be released and the Braves did just that. Almonte missed most of 2015 until winter ball and has settled into a big basher role in the Mexican League.

Designated Hitter
What? We might need one. Enter Russell Branyan, a Paul Bunyon-looking corner infielder from Warner Robbins, GA. Branyan was supposed to be yet another weapon the mid-to-late 90's Indians developed and he did blast 36 HR between 2000-01, but when he wasn't sending majestic moonshots into the atmosphere, he was making a lot of outs. The Indians sent him to the Reds midway through 2002 and after a year-and-a-half, the Reds non-tendered him. In early February of 2004, Atlanta signed him. At the time, the Braves had the rookie Adam LaRoche at first base with Julio Franco. They also had an opening in left field which the aforementioned Gary Matthews Jr. failed to secure. Branyan didn't make the squad and after a forgetful eleven-game run in Richmond, the Braves sent him to back to the Indians. He would play through 2014 and did hit 194 major league homeruns during his 14-year career.

Left-Handed Starter

By Ed Schipul [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

There was a time in the spring of 2015 where Wandy Rodriguez looked like he was beginning to put it back together. After a six-year run through 2013 with almost a thousand innings, over 800 strikeouts, and a decent 3.80 FIP ended with a release in 2014 following six ugly starts, Rodriguez came to Atlanta with a good chance to make the roster and hold down the fifth spot. Unfortunately, the inept Eric Stults was pitching just a bit better and the Braves kept him and cut Rodriguez. Both pitchers would play in 2015 and neither were very good - though Rodriguez's 4.33 FIP was a good run less than Stults.

Right-Handed Starter
While many of the players on this list were guys the Braves took a chance on only to watch them fail, Bronson Arroyo is a bit different. An innings-eater and nothing more, Arroyo had signed a big deal to join the Diamondbacks after eight years in Cincinnati. The typically durable righty made 14 starts before needing Tommy John surgery. By June of 2015, he was a year deep into his rehab and hopeful to pitch later that summer. That's when he found out he was headed to Atlanta. Or, at least the bulk of his remaining $15M due to him was going to Atlanta. The Braves had bought a first-round pick from the previous year's draft in the form of Touki Toussaint. All it cost them was Philip Gosselin and Arroyo's contract. Whether or not Arroyo would have ever thrown a pitch for Atlanta is debatable and also moot as a month later, he was included in the often-criticized Hector Olivera trade. He would never play for the Dodgers either. This spring, he resurfaced for the Reds and the now 40-year-old is in their starting rotation.

Left-Handed Reliever
In late May of last year, the Braves continued to find inventive ways to add draft choices. Packaging minor league arms Brandon Barker and Trevor Belicek together, the Braves acquired Brian Matusz and the #76th overall pick of last June's draft. Matusz, a former big prospect, had found his niche with the Orioles as a left-handed reliever. That was until the wheels came off early in 2016 for the southpaw. After the trade, the Braves quickly cut Matusz and he made one appearance - a start - with the Cubs last year. He gave up a half-dozen runs in three innings. He's now in the Diamondbacks system and still struggling to recapture his old glory. Belicek finished the year with the O's, but was cut at the end of spring training a few months ago. Barker's still around for them and pitching in Double-A. Finally, that draft choice was used on Brett Cumberland, who has one of the most interesting slash lines in baseball so far - .191/.433/.353.

Right-Handed Reliever
Preston Wilson, Warren Morris, and Kris Benson were a few of the top rookies in 1999 in the National League, but the winner of the Rookie of the Year award that season was a reliever. Twenty-two-year-old Scott Williamson, a righty who went to an All-Star Game just two years after being picked out of the ninth round. A starter in the minors, Williamson fulfilled a variety of roles for the '99 Reds. He shared closing duties with Danny Graves, saving 19 to Graves' 27. He was also a setup reliever and even long reliever, logging 93.1 innings over 62 games. He K'd 107 that season. He would pitch parts of four more seasons with the Reds, flashing excellence and briefly appearing as a starter. He also wore down due to injury. In 2003, Williamson was traded to the Red Sox which began an ever-increasing collection of jerseys as Williamson played for many cities - never for very long. After failing to make the Giants bullpen in '08, the Braves took a chance. Considering that year's bullpen relied on Jeff Bennett and Blaine Boyer to each throw 70 games, they needed all the help they could. Williamson, though, struggled over 15 games and was released. He would continue to pitch through 2011 with the last three years of his career in independent ball. He hung 'em up after 2011, four years after his last appearance in the bigs.

Special Hall of Fame Section
I've previously wrote about these three situations and didn't want to include them as members of this squad, but they are worth a mention.

First, for about a month in 1943, Lefty Gomez was a member of the Boston Braves. One of the most beloved Yankees of his time, Gomez was in the twilight of his career when the Braves bought him off the Bronx Bombers. The general manager at the time - Bob Quinn - had an odd connection to Gomez. His son was dating the cousin of Gomez's wife. Gomez spent a month on the bench - never getting into a game - before being replaced by one of the pitchers he had been mentoring.

Four years later, the Braves lost Hoyt Wilhelm in the minor league draft. Didn't know Wilhelm had been a Brave? That's okay - he barely was. When he was 25, his contract was purchased by the Boston Braves. They quickly lost him a month later in the minor league draft. I still don't understand how, but I'm betting it was an oversight.

Finally, let's move to 1966. With the draft split up to allow for both a summer and winter draft, the Braves selected Tom Seaver in the January section of the draft. A rising junior at USC, Seaver had been a tenth rounder the previous June, but chose not to sign with the Dodgers. The Braves took their chances and a few weeks later, they were in agreement on a $40,000 bonus to sign the righty. But there was a rule. You couldn't sign a player who played for a school that had already begun their season. USC's regular season hadn't begun, but their exhibition season had. The Braves were slapped with a fine and their contract with the righty was voided. Seaver had signed a contract, though, and was not ineligible to return to USC. So, a solution to the mess was reached. His $40K contract would be given to whatever team was willing to pay in and won a lottery. Three teams stepped up and it was the Mets whose name was picked out of a literal hat.

And that's my team. Do you think I missed a player who was a better fit? Let me know in the comments.

Everything That is Right With Baseball

Ah, the opening week of the season. No matter how pessimistic one can be, you have to take a little vacation from the feelings of dread and disappointment to entertain the possibilities of what a new season means. I've loved baseball since I was a little tot. My father was an usher at the local minor league stadium and even though I wasn't good at it, I absolutely adored the sport. As I grew older, my love never waned. My wife was the first woman I've ever thought about spending my life with, but she wasn't my first love. That mistress was baseball and in the immortal words of Sammy Sosa, she been berry, berry good to me.

So, instead of an article of analysis on who was released or what free agent the Braves should sign or whatever, here's my moment to appreciate baseball. I must admit that this style isn't new. I was influenced by Grant Brisbee's article from last year to give this a shot. There may be overlap, but I don't really care. This isn't about reinventing the wheel - this is about showing how much I love baseball.

Deep breath.

And here we go.

1. Seventh inning stretch
2. Going out of your mind when the little speedster hits a walk-off homerun.
3. Being part of a crowd of fans going out of their mind when a little speedster hits a walk-off homerun.
4. Jason Heyward going first-to-home on a double (miss ya, Heyward).
5. A catcher about to throw the ball back to the pitcher, but pauses in mid-throw because the umpire called an obvious strike a ball.
6. Stealing a strike on an obvious ball because of pitch framing.
7. Watching announcers so sure the umpire got it wrong be perplexed when their pitch charting software proves the umpire right.
8. Eye black.
9. Ridiculous amounts of eye black.
10. Major League.
11. The fact that Charlie Sheen actually looks like a real pitcher in Major League.
12. Adults that really don't want to, but ultimately surrender a foul ball to a kid. 
13. Bats that explode.
14. Watching infielders field a ball on instinct as the remains of a bat comes flying at them.
15. Pitchers reaching out with their bare hand at a comebacker, potentially costing them millions of dollars if they get hurt doing so.
16. On-base percentage.
17. Fielding Independent Pitching.
18. The fact that WAR is on baseball cards now.
19. Going through your old baseball card collection.
20. The Sandlot.
21. When three fielders converge on the same spot and all three watch the ball fall rather than catch it.
22. Stealing third base.
23. Perfect relays on a throw from the warning track to home plate.
24. People stumbling out of the batting box.
25. Players giving the stink eye to fans who didn't move away from a foul ball that just reaches the stands.
26. A switch-pitcher. 
27. Seeing your rebuilding team in first place on opening day and for the briefest of seconds, thinking it can last.
28. Showing bunt and swinging away.
29. Bunting a double.
30. Moneyball.
31. Watching people who have no idea what Moneyball was whine about how stats are killing baseball.
32. Balls that get stuck in gloves.
33. Pitchers who have to throw the glove with the ball stuck in it to first base.
34. Believing that a 16 year-old kid from the Dominican Republic will be your organization's savior.
35. Watching fans on Twitter go absolutely bonkers when their team loses.
36. People who get upset about who was snubbed by the All-Star Game selection process.
37. That helpless feeling an outfielder gets when he loses the ball in the sun.
38. Outfielders holding up the glove even though they didn't catch the ball after diving or leaping for it.
39. Players losing track of how many outs are in the inning.
40. Bull Durham.
41. Players trying to run away from their team during a walk-off celebration.
42. Game-saving catches.
43. Game-saving catches that seem impossible. 
44. Alumnae/Turn-Back-the-Clock Games.
45. Standing ovations for players returning to their former team's ballpark for the first time.
46. Being old enough to see players get their number retired whose entire career you watched.
47. Explaining what a balk is.
48. Being unable to speak when a walk-off balk occurs.
49. Having faith that even if this isn't our season, next year totally is.
50. Field of Dreams.
51. Extra-inning games that go on forever.
52. Fans that stick it out at the park for extra innings games that go on forever.
53. Knowing that tomorrow, you're really going to regret staying up for this game on the west coast.
54. Watching your organization's minor league players play a game on half-priced ticket night.
55. Watching a player making $20 million play a single-A game on a rehab assignment.
56. The look a player gives the umpire after he's took two steps to first when he thought he earned a walk, but gets told to come back
57. Hitters being told to bunt, failing, and then getting a hit anyway.
58. Double steals.
59. Bringing in an outfielder to be a fifth infielder.
60. Eight Men Out.
61. Discussions over who was better, Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron?
62. Willie Mays or Ted Williams?
63. Bob Gibson or Nolan Ryan?
64. Christy Mathewson or Walter Johnson?
65. Pedro Martinez or Greg Maddux or Randy Johnson?
66. Jeff Treadway or Mark Lemke?
67. Bunting against the shift with a slow first baseman.
68. Step-offs, slide-steps, and throw-overs with an 75+ grade basestealer on first.
69. 2-1 games where you are amazed that so many runs actually scored.
70. The Bad News Bears. The Original.
71. Crossing up the catcher.
72. Third baseman chargng a grounder, bare-handing it, and throwing a strike to first.
73. Relievers calmly catching homeruns in the bullpen.
74. Jumping over the baseline on the way to the dugout after the last out of an inning
75. Strike 'em out, throw 'em out double plays to end an inning.
76. Listening to rain delayed baseball on the radio where they beg for questions from listeners.
77. Position players pitching.
78. Position players not taking pitching seriously ala Jonny Gomes.
79. The face of players when they hit a ball hard, but right at someone.
80. Little Big League
81. Andrelton Simmons diving.
82. Andrelton Simmons throwing.
83. Andrelton Simmons planting and turning in mid-air as if he's an angel to throw a perfect throw to first.
84. Andrelton Simmons getting to a blooper to left field when the left fielder is still 10 steps away.
85. Andrelton Simmons jumping over an incoming baserunner to throw out the runner at first.
86. Just Andrelton Simmons being Andrelton Simmons.
87. The way Chip Carey gets carried away on a flyball to medium-depth right field. 
88. Jim Powell's calm excitement.
89. Vin Scully. 
90. Ken Burns' Baseball
91. Discovering a player from the early 1900's you've never heard of.
92. Learning more about a player you thought you knew everything about.
93. The sound the donut weight makes when players force it off their bats.
94. The feeling of apprehension when you're sitting on the third base side and a left-handed batter is at the plate. I got my glove ready - bring it!
95. The no-doubters Justin Upton hit as a Brave.
96. When players think they've smacked a homer and aren't running hard only to find out the ball hits the outfield wall...
97. ...or better yet, it's caught.
98. Bat flips.
99. Shortstops waiting until the last possible second to throw out baserunners at first by a step.
100. 42.
101. Pitchers covering first and trying desperately to find the bag with their foot.
102. Sliding away from the tag.
103. Over-running the bag and having to corkscrew your body around to get back.
104. Over-sliding the bag and being tagged out.
105. Smacking the ball so hard that it hit the wall and bounced back to the outfielder, who limits the runner to a single.
106. Catchers sliding to their knees to retrieve a wild pitch and throwing back to home to get the runner with the pitcher covering the plate
107. Infielders waiting on a ball to go foul...but it doesn't.
108. The way a puff of white chalk flies into the air when a liner lands on the foul line.
109. Diving for a ball feet first right into the foul-territory wall.
110. Mr. Baseball.
111. Homeruns
112. No-doubt homers that the pitcher immediately curses.
113. No-doubt dingers that the outfielder only turns to admire.
114. Walk-off Grand Slams hit by Brooks Conrad.
115. Pitchers hitting homers.
116. Inside-the-park homeruns.
117. Hitting a homer that curves around the foul pole.
118. Hitting the foul pole on a homer.
119. Hitting a three run homer, down by two, with two outs, in the ninth inning.
120. 61*
121. An infielder throwing out a runner at the plate with the infield drawn in.
122. Watching the dugout scatter when a foul ball comes their way.
123. Watching fans behind home plate duck when a foul ball comes their way - despite the net.
124. Breaks for when a beach ball lands in the outfield.
125. Breaks for when a pitch gets away from a reliever in the bullpen.
126. Fans booing the other team for throwing over to keep a runner close.
127. Fans booing an umpire for a call that they can't even get a good look at.
128. Rosterbating during the offseason.
129. Rosterbating at the trade deadline.
130. The Pride of the Yankees.
131. Trying to pitch around a hitter, but still getting burned when he gulfs a ball into the gap.
132. Succeeding at pitching around a hitter only to get burned by the next hitter.
133. Listening to announcers hilariously try to pronounce off-the-wall names.
134. The fact that baseball gives us Dizzy Dean.
135. ...and Milton Bradley.
136. ...and Tim Spooneybarger.
137. Or for that matter, baseball gives us nicknames like the Crime Dog (Fred McGriff)
138. ...the Say-Hey Kid 
139. ...the Chairman of the Board (Whitey Ford)
140. ...even The Babe.
141. Ken Griffey Jr.'s swing.
142. Mike Trout's everything.
143. Bryce Harper's refusal to conform.
144. Tom Glavine's stubbornness.
145. Craig Kimbrel's dominance.
146. Andres Galarraga's perseverance.
147. Ichiro's arm.
148. Billy Hamilton's speed.
149. Andrew McCutchen. Period. End of sentence.
150. Fever Pitch.
151. The way baseball makes us feel like if we move from our seat, something bad will happen.
152. ...or that by moving, we might create some weird butterfly effect to help our team.
153. That by just playing catch, you feel like a kid again.
154. Knowing that when Giancarlo Stanton swings, it could be a special event.
155. Breaking balls in the dirt that make the most elite hitters in baseball look like uncoordinated teenagers.
156. Breaking balls in the dirt that make catchers close their eyes and hope for the best.
157. How an umpire walks around, inspects the ball, slowly tosses it back to the pitcher, and wipes off the plate - all to allow the catcher time to recover after a ball found the jewels.
158. Excitedly following a prospect until he arrives in the majors.
159. AAAA guys getting a chance and succeeding.
160. Trouble With the Curve.
161. That time each decade where managers have to put a pitcher in the outfield.
162. Middle infielders covering their faces with their gloves to designate which one goes for the bag.
163. Middle infielders with so much chemistry that they can predict what the other will do.
164. Rituals between outfielders after the last out of a game is recorded.
165. Having the feeling when watching a player like Andruw Jones do his thing, you are seeing something so special, you may never see it again.
166. The rosen bag.
167. Guessing along with the hitter on what the next pitch will be - and being right.
168. Guessing along with the hitter on what the next pitch will be - and being right but the hitter is wrong.
169. "Excuse-me" swings that lead to hits.
170. A League of Their Own.
171. Just about everything about Joe Maddon. 
172. David Price's love for baseball - and his dog.
173. Dollar-beer night (provided the kids are at home).
174. When pitchers pat their chest after hitting a guy to say, "my fault."
175. A litany of scouts behind home plate.
176. Watching a guy rise from the independent leagues to the majors.
177. Peter Moylan.
178. Watching a pitcher thank any number of Gods when a fielder bails them out after throwing a terrible pitch.
179. Quirky, stupid wind-ups.
180. For Love of the Game.
181. When players take less money to play for a contender.
182. Hometown kids playing for the team they grew up loving and doing well.
183. Parents watching nervously as their kid plays their first game.
184. Ugly combinations of food product passed off as as actual food.
185. Middle infielders deeking out baserunners at second base.
186. Batters swinging and connecting on a pitch in self-defense.
187. Pitchers wearing their jackets on the base-paths.
188. Pitchers being used as pinch runners.
189. Watching baseball anywhere at anytime because we live in 2016.
190. Soul of the Game.
191. Opening Day.
192. A real opening day on the first Monday of April.
193. Minor league rosters revealed for the first time.
194. Being able to trace back a team's history to nearly 150 years.
195. First-round draft picks getting to the majors.
196. 52nd-round draft picks getting to the majors.
197. Scouts finding some kid nobody wanted to draft and having that guy get to the majors.
198. The fact that you can have an economics background and be a great general manager.
199. Hitting the pitcher eighth.
200. Rookie of the Year. 
201. Rundowns that last forever.
202. Julio Franco.
203. Relief pitchers batting.
204. Umpires looking completely lost and praying another umpire saw the play better than them.
205. Ridiculous games in-between innings at minor league games.
206. Baseball trivia questions.
207. Socks up.
208. Craig Kimbrel's hat.
209. The fact that Craig Kimbrel's absolutely ticks people off.
210. Major League 2.
211. No batting gloves.
212. The fact that Evan Gattis's story exists.
213. Silent celebrations after a homerun/walkoff before everyone cracks up.
214. Fan clubs in the stands for players coming up with ridiculous traditions. 
215. Rally caps.
216. Players wearing rally caps.
217. Rookies being hazed into wearing absurd outfits. 
218. Beat writers getting frustrated on twitter.
219. Fourth of July fireworks while sitting in the outfield.
220. Knuckleball!
221. Players that play along with the hecklers.
222. Being that nerd who sits in the stands with a scorebook, a glove, and being so happy to live in that moment.

I could probably continue, but I think you get the point.

Reviewing Hart's Trades: Gomes for Valenzeula

The Braves have been active in John Hart's first season at the helm to the tune of SIXTEEN TRADES! Sixteen deals involving major league talent going one direction or in both. Sixteen deals that include over 50 different players, a few draft picks, lots of cash, and two Uptons. It's been friggin unreal to see what the Braves have done.

With most of the season in our rear view, it's time to start reviewing each one of these trades. This series is going take a little while to get through, but hey, it gives me something to write about.

Trades Already Reviewed
La Stella for Vizcaino
Heyward/Walden for Miller/Jenkins
Varvaro for Kurcz
J. Upton for Jace Peterson and prospects
Carp/Shreve for Banulos
Kubitza/Hyatt for Sanchez
Gattis for Foltynewicz and Ruiz
Hale for Briceno
Elander for Cahill and Lots of Cash
The Craig Kimbrel Trade
Callaspo for Uribe
Gosselin for Touki
KJ/Uribe for Whalen/Gant
The Hector Olivera Trade
CJ for Bourn/Swish

The Trade
Johnny Gomes and about $380K to the Royals for Luis Valenzuela.

The Rationale

Kevin C. Cox | Getty

Gomes had been added before the season as a platoon/bench option, something he had historically been very successful at. The problem was that the Braves never really had a left-handed bat to platoon with him. Zoilo Almonte failed to make the team, Kelly Johnson was needed elsewhere, and Eric Young Jr. completely bombed. That left the Braves with Gomes getting the most starts in left field - 48. Perhaps had KJ stayed healthy and played more left field or had Eury Perez and Todd Cunningham produced, it would have helped. For his part, Gomes was pretty good. He hit just .240, but walked frequently and hit 5 of his 7 homers against lefties, giving him an .857 OPS against lefties.

However, there was no reason to keep Gomes for the whole season. The Braves were going nowhere and Gomes retained value as a lefty masher/clubhouse presence. The Braves tried to send him packing before the trading deadline, but nobody offered enough for them to make the deal. That was pretty good because it gave us a chance to watch Gomes pitch in late-August.

The Royals, meanwhile, were looking for a bat down the stretch to give them an alternative to Alex Rios, who sucked most of the season. Paulo Orlando wasn't doing much better, either. Adding Gomes was a smart addition and it cost them precious little. Luis Valenzuela hadn't flashed on anyone's prospects lists and with good reason.

Short-Term Results
Gomes would only play in 12 games, mostly as a RF, for the Royals. He had just five hits in 30 at-bats, which didn't influence the Royals to keep him on their playoff roster. Still, Gomes remained the great cheerleader and clubhouse presence he is known for. Plus, he does a great wrestling promo.

Valenzuela only played in a half-dozen games after the trade with Rome and nearly doubled the amount of hits Gomes had (9-for-21, 2B, HR. Overall, Valenzuela hit over .340 in A-ball this season, which should garner some attention, though he only played in 62 overall games (including 8 games at rookie).

Long-Term Outlook
The Royals won the World Championship and in this trade, were forced to give up precious little. How much Gomes helped them win is a complete mystery considering he did precious little on the field, but having Gomes around is, as we grew to know, an absolute joy. He didn't have Eric Hinske's timely hits, but it was hard not to feel the same thing about Gomes that we felt about Hinske. He enters free agency weeks before his 35th birthday looking for another team seeking a platoon guy with 162 career homeruns.

Valenzuela will get a chance to repeat his success from 2015. He had played precious little in 2012-13 before slashing .259/.306/.370 in 2014. On the high end, he's probably Pedro Ciriaco with less speed. On the low end, he's...I dunno...Tyler Pastornicky-lite?

Jonny Gomes Pitching Was More Than a Novelty

Some so-and-so's on Twitter voiced their displeasure of Jonny Gomes pitching Friday night. "Embarrassing," they called it. Using Gomes was "making a mockery of the game."

Don't get me wrong - Gomes looked awful on the mound and every bit of a guy who has never pitched a game in his life (which he hadn't). His pitching motion evolved during the inning with him suddenly deciding to do a Luis Tiant-impression. His pitches confused Gamecast and Pitch f/x who thought he was throwing a knuckleball outside of his fastest delivery (classified as a changeup...somehow). Gomes threw batting practice fastballs that were sometimes pulverized. And really, how much did the team save the bullpen from throwing one more inning right before rosters expand?

But here's the thing...it wasn't about using the best prepared position hitter as a pitcher (Andrelton Simmons probably wanted the ball even more). It wasn't about saving the bullpen, though it makes for a nice reason. It wasn't even about a misguided idea of what respecting the game is, though if that were a concern, we could have asked Brian McCann his thoughts on the matter since he wrote the book.

No, it was none of these things. It was about September. It was about a clubhouse that was going through the motions of an awful season in which the Braves are only getting worse. Did you know the Braves are 3.5 games up on last place in the East? In two weeks time, they could be looking up at the Marlins and Phillies and that's actually okay. The Braves are who they are at this point. They own every bit of the league's worst offense and third worst pitching staff. Gone are Juan Uribe and Kelly Johnson, who combined for an OPS near .800. Also gone: Alex Wood, who was the Braves second-best starter this year, along with the four most-used relievers this season. Their replacements have often been underwhelming and that's unlikely to change this season. The Braves are trying to see what they have with Mike Foltynewicz and Matt Wisler. Their bullpen is made up of down-on-their-luck veterans and guys like Matt Marksberry, Andrew McKirahan, and Arodys Vizcaino, who are all trying to remain in the picture for 2016. It's far more important to see what Atlanta has in Christian Bethancourt than keep playing A.J. Pierzynski, even though they are a better team with AJ in the lineup. All of these things come with expected growing pains.

So, Gomes taking the mound might seem like a small blimp in an otherwise-awful year, but I promise you that the Braves clubhouse had a different feel not present when the Phillies rocked them 12-2 on August 1. When the Brewers shut out the Braves 11-0 back on May 22, I am willing to wager that the Braves players felt worse about that game than they did about Friday's shellacking. The Braves took it on the chin, but came away with a smile. Sure, it was their 17th lost of August - which ensures that August will be their worst month this year. And yeah, it was the 19th time this season they lost by at least five runs. But at the end of the night, it was the most fun many of us Braves fans have had in weeks when it came to our team.

Look, losing sucks. I'll even paraphrase Heathers. Losing sucks losers dry. Well, that didn't make as much sense as it did in the movie (when losing was replaced with "real life"), but you get the point. Most of the time, losing is simply no fun and all-too-often, it's heartbreaking. The Braves lost last night like they have been doing with regularity since their 6-1 start. Williams Perez stunk, the bullpen wasn't much better, and outside of Freddie Freeman, the offense looked non-existent. But...the Braves still won. Their clubhouse was given something to laugh about. Their fans were given something to be happy about and almost as importantly, something to tune in to watch for. For one-half inning, the crushing weight of a crap-filled season was lifted. I'll take that mockery of the game over watching Edwin Jackson try to throw another inning any day of the week.

Once a Brave, Always a Brave - NL East

In today's look around the league at former Braves, the focus is on the NL East. Because teams to not deal with their divisional rivals often, there aren't a lot of ex-Braves in the NL East - though most of the ones that are populate major league rosters. As usual, this list cannot be considered exhaustive and there is a better than average chance I'm missing a player or two. If you know of one, please comment below.

Miami Marlins
P Mike Dunn - He only spent 25 games with the Braves back in 2010 and walked way too many batters, but Dunn has been a solid reliever for Florida/Miami since arriving in the trade we try not to talk about involving a current National. He's been a little iffy this year for the Marlins, posting a 1.43 WHIP to go with an ugly 1.0 HR/9. But sample sizes involving just 26.2 innings can be problematic. He's signed through next year and here's a fun fact...his only experience in the postseason came as a Brave. He retired four-of-six Giants he faced in 2010 during three scoreless outings.

1B Jeff Baker - There are currently two players in the majors who were born in Germany. Edwin Jackson of the Cubs and Baker of the Marlins. He appeared in 14 games with the Braves after they picked him up in 2012 and had just two singles in 19 AB. Oddly, the Braves sent the Tigers Greg Ross to complete the deal. Ross, a pitcher, was cut at the end of spring training in 2013 without appearing in a game for the Tigers organization. He then resigned with the Braves and has spent the last year-and-a-half in Mississippi.

3B Martin Prado - Go ahead, name a Brave who was more beloved than Prado over the last five years. Freddie Freeman? Maybe. Craig Kimbrel? Possibly. But Prado was impossible not to like. A non-prospect who was supposed to have a best-case future of being a utility guy, Prado pushed Kelly Johnson to the side in 2009 and was an All-Star the following year. A trade moved him to left and over two years, he remained a pretty solid option out there. However, the Braves moved him to the D'Backs for Justin Upton as Prado wanted more money than the Braves were willing to give up. He has also played for the Yankees and now Marlins since leaving Atlanta and his numbers just don't look nearly as impressive as they did as a Brave (.280/.324/.407). He's on the DL with a shoulder injury.

New York Mets
P Buddy Carlyle - Last year, when Carlyle signed a minor league deal with the Mets, I looked at what Carlyle did for the Braves. In a certain way, Carlyle mimics Prado in that it's impossible not to like him, though that didn't make Carlyle beloved by any means. Carlyle was drafted in 1996 and despite making it to the majors in 1999, he has just one year where he has thrown 100 major league innings in a single season - 2007 with the Braves. If anyone bitches about how awful the Braves pitching has been at times this year, I point them to 2007. When Carlyle started 20 games, Chuck James started 30, Kyle Davies started 17, Jo-Jo Reyes started 10, and Lance Cormier started 9. I would mention Mark Redman's five starts, but I would have flashbacks that would send me under the desk in a fetal position.

P Sean Gilmartin - I remember someone getting upset we traded this guy for Ryan Doumit. Now, Doumit was an utter failure, but Gilmartin wasn't much of a prospect. Unfortunately, he's been pretty decent this year as a Rule 5 LOOGY for the Mets. I'd like to suggest it's all smoke and mirrors, but it's not. He might not ever be a major league starter, but he's got a shot to be good in limited bullpen action.

2B Brooks Conrad (AAA) - With Conrad, you get two memorable things that show the highs and lows of being a professional athlete. There were his two pinch-hit Grand Slams in 2010, including the one that made the Braves walk-off winners on May 20 against the Reds - still one of the coolest moments since The Streak ended. But...that kind of gets overshadowed by one of the worst postseason efforts in history. Not only did he managed just a single in 12 AB, but he was a nightmare in the field. His total four errors for the series was bad...especially when three came in Game 3, including on a grounder right between his legs that led to the go-ahead run in a 3-2 loss. Oh, his second led a to a run, too (though Jason Heyward should have called him off). 2010 should have been the best season of his career. Anyway, he has hit .205 for Las Vegas this year.

Philadelphia Phillies
P Aaron Harang - Harang has seen his strikeout rate fall a tick and his homer rate go up due to the park he plays in, but he's continued to show that he's not finished. Sadly, the Phillies are and have lost 11 of his 17 starts, which saddles Harang with the Senior Circuit's most losses. He hit the DL last week with plantar fasciitis.

OF Jeff Francoeur - After a year mostly spent in the minors, the now 31 year-old Francoeur is back in the majors and receiving significant playing time for the Phillies. He's hit about how you'd expect him to. He also got a chance to pitch this year and threw two innings against the Orioles on June 16, giving up two runs, walking three, and striking out Nolan Reimold, the first batter he ever faced.

Washington Nationals
P David Carpenter - His first name is actually Darrell so we have the REAL David Carpenter now. OldCarp flamed out in the Bronx and was shown the door after just 22 games. So, again, they gave up Manny Banuelos for Chasen Shreve and 22 games of OldCarp. Thanks! The Nats sent a minor leaguer to the Yankees for OldCarp and in his first eight games, he looked kinda better. He's currently on the paternity list so congrats!

2B Dan Uggla - At this point, Uggla's value is kind of the same as Jonny Gomes. You can use him against a starting lefthander and left-handed relievers, but you have to hide him against righties. Uggla has actually struck out as a lower rate than each of the last three years so maybe he's seeing the ball a bit better.

OF Reed Johnson - Another guy limited to only platoon advantage at-bats, Johnson spent a year-and-a-half in Atlanta and was pretty decent, though he posted better numbers as a Cub. He spent last year with the Marlins and now continues his NL East journey with the Nats. Well, except that he has been on the shelf since the 13-12 comeback win over the Braves that sent many a Braves fan in a downward spiral. The "big pop" in his foot required surgery and he is not expected back before rosters expand in September.

Recently profiled in Once a Brave, Always a Brave...
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This Week At AtlantaBraves.About.com

I've been blogging at About.com since January about our favorite team. I missed some action because of a bad storm that knocked out my internet, but I've been getting back into the swing of things at the other blog. I think a good usage of Saturday here at WOW is to bring light to this week's articles that you may have missed at About.com.

Atlanta Braves Enter July Looking Like Sellers

Many may disagree this idea with how close the Braves are in the NL East, but this is a flawed team with too much to fix in my view. I look at in this article several different players that might bring back a prospect or two such as A.J. Pierzynski, Jonny Gomes, Juan Uribe, and even Jason Grilli. Veterans with value in the right circumstance.

Jace Peterson: A (Nearly) Midseason Review

Who knew what the Braves were getting in Jace Peterson? So far, the results have been pretty good - though Jace is struggling of late. Is Peterson a long-term option at second? I'm being won over to the idea that there is a chance he could be.

All-Star Possibilities for the Braves

I looked at each position for the chances that there may be an All-Star on the team. Freddie Freeman certainly had a chance, but right now, I think the only two Braves with an argument are Grilli and Shelby Miller. For the record, I have not - nor will I - vote in the All-Star Game. Sorry, but the system as currently constructed frustrates me greatly.

Braves Sign Two Major International Prospects

If you missed Thursday's news, Atlanta jumped deep into the international signing period and came away with two of the top prospects out of the Dominican Republic. To do so and avoid penalties, the team had to orchestrate three different trades. In this article, I looked at some basic details involving the signing period, the two players the Braves signed, and some of what's it come. If you don't know the name of Kevin Maitan, you might want to.

The Game That Wouldn't End

July 4, 1985 is known for many things, but in Atlanta, it may be best known for the night that residents were concerned that the Soviets were bombing Atlanta. After a marathon game that included numerous rain delays and a pair of two-out, two-strike, extra-innings game-tying homeruns by the Braves, Atlanta would eventually fall in 19 innings. Rick Camp joined a select group including Bill Buckner and Bernie Carbo for being more known for one game than their entire career.

Saturday Stats Pack for July 4th

In a regular column, I looked at a number of observations and stats involving the Braves, including how many players that have been utilized this year, Pedro Ciriaco and Nick Markakis's dueling streaks, Jake Brigham's road to the majors, and Chris Johnson's utter suckage.

Thanks for reading and remember to favorite this and the About.com blog!

Braves Roster Beat: March 26 (About.com)

If you missed it, the Braves played today. They even won. Chris Johnson capped off a five-run first inning with a two-run homer, though sadly Bad Wandy Rodriguez showed up and switched uniforms with his better alter ego. He was still in line to get the dubya, but Josh Outman failed to live up to his name. Fortunately, the Braves have Jonny Gomes and he homered to put the Braves back on top. For more analysis, check the About.com page where I go a bit more into Johnson and Outman, plus go over a semi-surprising retirement.

Why Not Terdo?

On Sunday, I got into a discussion on twitter with Grant McAuley, who works for the Atlanta-based radio station 92.9 - The Game. Grant is a wonderful guy to follow on twitter and is very approachable. After Joey Terdoslavich blasted a three-run bomb against the Blue Jays, he tweeted...

Joey Terdoslavich with a 3-run HR. He's making a case to grab a spot on the bench - batting .333 with 5 XBH in 24 AB this spring. #Braves
— Grant McAuley (@grantmcauley) March 15, 2015

My comment to him and what started a short discussion yesterday was...

@grantmcauley At this point, he might be making a case to be in the opening day lineup.
— Tommy Poe (@WalkOffWalk1) March 15, 2015

He laughed it off and said let's not get carried away, but did mention later that Fredi Gonzalez, after the game, said that Terdo would get a look at a couple of positions on the team., including a bench spot.

Stacy Revere | Getty Images

Obviously, we are a long way away from getting to the point where Terdo has claimed much playing time for the Braves, but as Jim Powell on Braves radio pointed out, this Braves team is void of much power. That happens when you trade away Jason Heyward, Justin Upton, and Evan Gattis. The trio combined for 62 of the team's paltry 123 homers last season. Quick - name a guy capable of hitting 20 homeruns for the Braves in 2015. If you've named more than one player, you are really optimistic.

But maybe not...if that second player is Terdo. Now, that is still a little high for Terdo, who's 150-game average in the minors is about 17 HR, but at least we are in the neighborhood, right? So, again, why are we so convinced Terdo only profiles as a guy battling for bench time?

Joey T originally came onto the scene in 2011 for the Lynchburg Hillcats when he blitzed the pitcher's league for a .286/.341/.526 slash line, helped out by a Carolina League-high 52 doubles and 20 homers. That 52nd double, by the way, didn't just lead the league. It broke a 65-year-old record. Overall, it was an impressive season that only became more impressive when he was one of the hitting stars of the Arizona Fall League after the season. In 99 plate appearances, Terdo OPS'd .972. Pretty good 2011 to hang your hat on.

The only problem was that the player development team saw something no one else did. "Let's move him to third to give us a potential replacement for Chipper Jones. He's occasionally played there. Oh, and let's bump him up to AAA." Frank Wren's team gets a lot of blame for things they probably shouldn't be blamed for, but that was a bonehead move. I watched Terdo a lot that year with Lynchburg as I lived minutes from City Stadium at the time. I loved him. He was a fan favorite. He was also defensively limited at first base. Simple baseball logic states that if your range is average-to-bad at first, it'll be even worse at third.

And it was. And the bypassing AA at the same time hurt Terdo's development. After two ugly months where he couldn't field and it probably hurt his hitting, Terdo was sent to Mississippi and retired his third baseman glove. He rebounded with a great summer for the M-Braves and was back on track, even if he wouldn't increase his value by becoming a third baseman. He did play more left and right field as he moved to Gwinnett in 2013. He was tremendous for the G-Braves, posting a .557 SLG with Gwinnett and eventually getting a promotion to the majors on July 4th of that year. Fredi used him as a bench bat, taking advantage of his switch-hit capabilities, while starting him just 14 out of 55 games he appeared in. He didn't hit particularly well, though he showed good patience.

It looked like Terdo was a favorite to make the 2014 roster, but he was a late cut and it appeared to affect him. He got off to a decent start, but soon was in a nose dive that lasted until the end of June. We'd like to think a demotion would start a fire under a player's butt, but it seemed to do the opposite to Terdo. He would rebound, though, and hit .300 in July and sustained an OPS over .820 over the final two months. The Braves utilized Terdo at the end of the season largely in a PH role.

I've been pretty consistent with one theme that I think the Braves have to look at this spring and into the season. If a guy can hit and will hit, the Braves have to be willing to give him a chance. Look at this roster - I'll wait. Where's the offense coming from? That's a legitimate question. The Braves offense from 2014 was miserable and this offseason saw 3 of their best 4 hitters traded. Now, maybe Kevin Seitzer's new philosophy will help unearth some new production from the holdovers, but even with that, the Braves still have massive offensive questions. If Terdo can hit, why not him in right if Nick Markakis misses time? Why not Terdo in left platooning with Johnny Gomes?

Well...there are potential issues with Terdo. First, his defense is pretty bad and would require a caddy option for late inning games (but so would Gomes). Second, he has yet to hit major league pitching, but neither has pretty much any of the other options. Third, his name is really long. Not sure if that matters, but I'm told lists require at least three things.

On the plus side, like expected platoon option Zoilo Almonte, Terdo has historically hit right-hand pitching significantly better than left-hand pitching (which is why Gomes is here).

We have talked all camp about how many spots are wide-open for players to swoop in and take them. The fifth starter, two bullpen spots, the infield bench slots, and yes, the outfield. If Terdo hits and there is a right-hander on the mound on opening day, Terdo should be in the starting lineup...but that's where the business of baseball comes in. Almonte, like Eury Perez, is out of options. That might push the Braves to give them a longer look, especially in Melvin Upton Jr.'s absence. If Markakis makes it back, that takes up another spot. Since Eric Young Jr. is so beloved by Fredi, it would appear with Markakis in the mix along with Gomes, there might be one or two extra outfield spots. Maybe the Braves keep Almonte and Perez until Upton's return forces a decision. That would appear to push out Terdo, who can only play first on the infield.

Again, it's supposedly wide open for any player to take a spot. If that's true, why not Terdo?